Ben Affleck is Batman, and Your Angst is the Worst.

There are only so many ways you can hear or read “You know, I feel very strongly that Ben Affleck is the wrong choice for the new Batman movie, chief among the reasons being the fact that I believe he is very untalented and will not do the role justice.” When that opinion is phrased in any variation of “OMG, BEN AFFLECK AS BATMAN IS THE WORST! /WRIST!” it makes it that much harder not to want to set you on fire and 300 kick you into a pit of spikes.

I get we’re all pretty sure Ben Affleck is going to murder the role, and everyone who wants to emphasize giving him a chance will cite our previous uncertainty about Heath Leger giving way to more support and appreciation than not, but the internet and social media are so magical that within an hour of the announcement, it became old news. All news is old news on the internet, as anyone who has come across a funny picture on reddit three hours before it appears on FB will leap to tell you as condescendingly as possible, but this becomes extra true when it involves negative opinions about anything. These negative opinions quickly devolve from “This displeases me” into a group tantrum contest where I can only assume the winner is the person who manages to sound the most personally victimized by the decisions made by people who don’t know them, regarding the fate of things they love, or vaguely enjoy on occasion, but in a really specific way that will be completely destroyed forever by whatever just happened.

So, from this point forward, you’re whining. You’re a whiny, obnoxious, self-centered child-being who can’t let go of something over which you have no control, but which somehow dictates the rest of your entire life and ability to enjoy anything ever again. At least, that’s the impression I get from how vocal you are about the travesty that is, I guess, hiring Ben Affleck for anything, but especially letting him dress up as Batman.

But, you know, I guess it is WAY more important to have a fit over Ben Affleck and Batman than it is to be socially aware of literally anything else happening on this planet. No, you go ahead. The world’s problems will wait till you’re done.

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