An Open Letter to DirecTV Guy

#RealityCheck – I’m sorry, you’re right, @DirecTVService Representative on the phone.  I must have completely imagined the attractive technician who came out here and installed the fresh-out-of-the-box receiver in the guest room.  No, no.  Your records showing it was mailed out as a replacement for the unit that stopped working in my grandmother’s room, which I guess I imagined you replacing more than a year ago, but which we never bothered to activate, is totally exactly what’s going on here.  Thank you for clarifying that despite my having seen the man hook up and activate the receiver in the guest room, it’s actually never been used, and is, as stated, the replacement you mailed out.  So, yes, I’ve also imagined every show I never watched through it, being as it was never activated ever.

What’s that?  I can toss out the unusable unit myself with no obligation to ship it back to you?  Your generosity knows no bounds.

Oh, and yes.  I asked if you send replacement remotes because I’m not using the remote from the living room, I’m using the remote that came with the unit that wasn’t installed by a technician when my friend Brian wasn’t boarding here last year.  You have all the answers, DirecTV guy.  You are my guru.  I should bake you a cake.  Oh, wait, do I even know how to bake a cake?  What if I only imagined having baked in the past, and in fact have no idea what a cake is!  Come back, DirecTV guy!  Do I know how to bake a cake?!

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